DOOM!

You are Dr. Doom

Blessed with smarts and power but burdened by vanity.





Dr. Doom
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73%

Apocalypse
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62%

Lex Luthor
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55%

Juggernaut
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
55%

Mr. Freeze
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54%

Magneto
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52%

Kingpin
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46%

The Joker
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45%

Green Goblin
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35%

Two-Face
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35%

Venom
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33%

Dark Phoenix
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31%

Poison Ivy
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29%

Catwoman
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11%

Riddler
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11%

Mystique
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7%


You are Superman

You are mild-mannered, good,
strong and you love to help others.





Superman
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60%

Iron Man
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55%

Supergirl
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50%

Hulk
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50%

Green Lantern
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50%

Spider-Man
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
45%

Robin
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
40%

Catwoman
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40%

Wonder Woman
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
30%

The Flash
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30%

Batman
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
15%

Sigh

It's official, I don't exist unless I own a cell phone. I never thought those terrible things would have metaphysical ramifications, but here we are.

Thought for the Day

Men, to me, are simply ladies with handlebar moustaches, do not trust them.

The many flavors of killing.

Graduation Gift To Myself

http://7.62x54r.net/MosinID/0003.jpg

I gots me one of these, it's called a Mosin-Nagant. It's only 69 years old. Shoots bullets about a half-inch longer than my other rifle. Still need to go blast something with it. Maybe a honeydew, that's the money melon...

...and I'm back. I shot a spaghetti squash, a cantaloupe, and a coconut with it. It blows things up good. Now my shoulder hurts... I cry...

World War Z

One of the best books I've read in a long time. You should definitely read it, especially if you think the "zombie apocolypse" genre is cool, and even if you don't it is a great read.

Buy it now!

I Call It the "Not Study Game"

I usually win too.

The Opportunist You show 41% mercy!

Yep, that's right, You're in the 2nd category of 5, in terms of mercy. Knee deep in classlessness, you're the dude or lady who likes to watch shit go down, but who won't cause major pain. Mayhem, yes. YOu are significantly lower than average in mercy.

Cold Hearted You're 15% human!

You don't really care about your fellow humans...and you DEFINATELY don't care a flying rat's behind about animals. I would say that something in your childhood probably caused you to be this way...but I'm not a shrink, so I let you figure out what went wrong.

The Shepherd You're 85% career-driven and 45% ambitious. In addition, you play 50% well with others, and you need a job that keeps you in the limelight 33% of the time!

You'd love to spend your days surrounded by nothing but sheep, wouldn't you? You'd have your lunch under a tree... a half-bottle of wine, a bit of cheese. You'd sleep under the stars with a rock for your pillow. Maybe you'd find something to amuse yourself, like whittling, or playing a flute. But this is your life; you're a shepherd, and you were born for this job. You need a job where you can be by yourself. You need a job away from the hubbub, off the beaten path. You lead a solitary life, and you want your job to reflect that. You don't need a job measured in hours per week; you're looking for a lifestyle... ... a lifestyle that involves a lot of walking. And sheep, lots of sheep. Wool allergies? Try one of these (slightly) more realistic options: Editor, Gardener, Marine. That's all I've got so far... more to come, I promise. Does this sound like it might descibe a job you have in mind? E-mail me with suggestions.

Farm or Ranch You scored 10 out of 40 on urban-rural and 20 out of 40 land intensity.

People know you as: The Milkmaid Quote: "You get to not mind the cow smell." Your score indicates that you prefer a rural atmosphere to an urban one and low land intensity. You’re no hermit though; you like other people and, once you start talking to them, other people like you. As far as you’re concerned there is no difference between living in a city and living in a suburb, not that you would want to do either because you’re probably a bit scared of cities in the first place. Examples of places you should live: Amish country, PA; Kansas All Categories Secluded Hideaway / Farm or Ranch / Small Town / Little City / Suburb / Streetcar Suburb / Rowhouse 'Hood / Downtown Loft

Competent Marksman You are officially 61 % redneck, or 61 % insane!

You have already joined the NRA. You spend more time at the gun range than at the bars with your friends, and have spent more time and money on guns than on your spouse. Your friends call you when rabid animals enter their yards.

Beeless but beware! 65 Bees are very Angry at you, but 29 Call you home.

The bees are out to get you! Maybe you stepped on a hive as a kid, or live in a perpetually burning residence. Whatever the case they are out to get you, but there is still time to mend your bee destroying ways!

Naked orc liker You scored 100% naked orc like!

You like naked orcs!

Perspective, pt 4

Where was I... ah... yes...

Captain Ace and his squad of Red Knights boarded the train with the little girl in tow. As the team secured their car and made themselves comfortable a pair of sharpshooters secured themselves to the roof of the train. They kept a close lookout through their scopes. Their keen eyes scanned every face in the bustling crowd moving into, out of, and generally around the train.

Commoners, merchants, thugs, an injured man, two women with baskets, a Grek-Grek monster carrying a large basin of some sort of oil, and a gang of sand-raiders. Nothing unusual came through. Nobody acted suspiciously. One man in the crowd shot a merchant and then began to struggle through the crowd. The sharpshooters put their sights on him as the whistle blew and the doors of the train closed. They could see the look of agony and dispair on his face through their scopes.

Captain Ace scratched himself surreptitiously. He then stood, put his hands on his hips, and smiled as he stated, "This girl will soon be safely returned to the King now that she is in the custody of Captain Ace and the Red Knights!"

A junior knight cheered, most of the crew merely groaned and continued to watch out of the windows of their car.

"No person would concieve of attempting to take someone from the Red Knights!" He mumbled to himself as he sat back down.

There was a great heave and the sound of grinding metal as the train began to move.

--

Somewhere in the station a man stood with a bundle of TNT and a pair of revolvers. He cursed as he watched the caboose disappear on the horizon. Had he not had to fight his way past a petty merchant and his clumsly Grek-Grek monster he would have attempted to take the girl away from the Knights.

Something loomed over his shoulder. It was large and mostly green.

"There you are," the merchant said.

A large green paw closed around the man's head, and that was the end of him.

Ugh...

I was invited to take part in a survey of my "experience at UMM" as part of a randomly selected group of students.

At one point I was asked to rate my experience from 0 (Very poor) to 10 (excellent) or n/a.

Most was fairly standard, until it asked me this:

c. Cultural diversity among the student body, from very poor to excellent.

And this:

d. International aspects of classes and campus activities.

Because I am a cantankerous bastard, I answered both n/a and then offered a rebuttal in the comments block. I am relatively proud of it, and I think it has a good message that you should all hear. Or else.

c. Rate cultural diversity among the student body, from very poor to excellent...

First:
What the hell does that even mean? Do I think it is good that we have diversity? Am I pleased with how many different ethnicities our campus has collected? Do I feel we have "enough" diversity per capita? What is it that you want me to quantify here? Is there some objective standard that I should be judging this by, or is this about my feelings about how diverse I expect this place to be?

Second:
I don't really care about diversity on campus. There is nothing about diversity that improves the quality of education offered by the school. The only way I could imagine that I could be able to quantify my pleasure or displeasure as to the amount of diversity available on campus would be if I were either (a) a bigot or (b) someone who had very stupid priorities (think hippies).

Third:
We live in the middle of Minnesota. Don't kid yourselves.

As for:
d. International aspects of classes and other campus activities...
As for classes, I am not an anthropology major. As for campus activities, see above.

Are we "diverse" enough? Diverse enough for what?

The Brad Coulombe Challenge

Cobra Commandos
2360

Aqua Teen Munger Force
2071

Sissy Girls
995

Why do we do this to ourselves?

Perspective, pt 3

The saloon doors swung open and Tanner swept through, holding the princess close to him. "Stay near," he muttered to her, smiling, "the worst scum in the world hang out here, and I don't want you to get hurt."

She just walked beside him, she seemed oblivious to the chaos and noise that engulfed them. He put her in a dimly lit booth in the back and asked the gap-toothed and battle scarred waitress for whiskey. She sauntered off, wiggling her veined, blue cheese colord hips at the patrons she passed. Tanner grimaced and prayed for strong liquor.

After two shots he looked at his watch. His contact was supposed to have met him by now. Tanner looked around the bar nervously. Something was up.

Upon completing that thought the saloon doors slammed against the inner wall as a man went sailing through them. A group of heavily armed men in royal red ponchos walked in after him. Their leader, idenified by a gold braid on his shoulder quickly scanned the room and pointed at Tanner.

"Oh bugger," Tanner muttered to himself as the group plowed through the bar to him.

"I am Captain Ace Irlvin of the Red Knights. By order of the Family of Vesta, you will release the princess to me at once and submit yourself to the Scourge and Hammer of Justice," The lead man ordered.

"You'll never take me alive!" Tanner shouted as he pulled his pistol. The last word croaked out his throat as his lungs filled with blood. The patrons of the bar didn't seem to even notice.

Captain Ace reholstered his pistol and motioned for a man to grab the princess.

"I didn't intend to."

Perspective, pt 2

This was a long time ago:

"Do you swear to serve and protect the family of Vesta, even at the cost of your own life?" The kings question echoed through the hall.

I stared into his eyes as he asked me this question. They were a deep blue, serene as the ocean. He wept nobility. I could not refuse him.

"I do swear," I said

"Then rise, my Thobas, rise as Sir Novault, son of Rek."

And I rose, because that is what he asked of me.

But that was a long time ago.

Buzzards circled overhead as Thobas' horse plodded across the orange sand. Thobas walked alongside it as the princess rode. She now wore a faded red poncho that he had cut down to size to fit over her. It looked more like a drapery than a dress, and Thobas could remember a time when she would have refused to wear such a rag. She would barely speak to him now, much less complain.

He looked up at her. The princess' face was dirty, and she didn't seem to focus on anything in particular. She just sat.

Union was ahead of them, nestled among the dunes. Thobas could only see the smoke and steam that rose from the city as it busied itself in preparation for the arrival of the Great Train.

A shot rang out. And Thobas fell to the ground. The noise and the motion startled the horse briefly, but it did not bolt.

Tanner, self-proclaimed Master Bounty Hunter hid on the ridge of a dune, watching the man bleed into the orange sand. Another pair of men ran forward to grab the girl from the horse, but he shot them down quickly.

"Before they even knew what hit them." He muttered to himself. He waited another minute, scanning the horizon for any signs of movement. When he was satisfied that no one else was around he walked down to the girl and began leading the horse to Union.

Behind him he could see a faint cloud of dust, but it was too distant to catch him before he got to the security offered by the laws and guards of Union.

"In a day, Princess, we'll be on our way to the other side of the desert. And you're gonna make me a lot of money..."

Perspective, pt. 1.

There was no wind. Orange sand extended in every direction. The sky was dark and oppressive, as though a great seal had closed up the world.

Nothing moved on the desert. Then, on the horizon, there was a puff of dust. In the middle of the puff there was a single black dot. The cloud grew steadily larger as the dot came closer. After a while the roar of the dot's engine became apparent, and the dot grew to become a sand buggy.

"It's a six-seater with plating and two gun turrets," Thobas muttered to himself as he watched the buggy through his scope. "Not much considering what is inside."

Eventually the buggy came to a stop and the occupants climbed out. Five men, one small girl. Several of the men stretched as though they had been travelling for some time. One looked like he was saying something to the girl.

Chow-chow-chow-chow-chow. Blood poured into the sand and turned into a ochre mud. He could hear a single scream. Thobas reloaded his rifle.

As he walked over to the girl he pulled back his orange hood so she could see his face, but she clearly didn't remember him. She shrank away from him as he approached. She began to climb back into the buggy, but Thobas grabbed the back of her dress and pulled her down. She struggled, but he held her tight.

"Princess," He said, "I've come for you."

The sound of his voice calmed her, and he put her down onto the ground, avoiding setting her in a pool of blood. He looked around. The whole scene stank of iron, death, and the dirt. The sand always stank when it got wet, and it was especially bad considering what was mixed in it.

He produced a small orange fruit from his bag. "Have you eaten?" He asked her.

She shook her head.

He peeled the rind off with a knife and held the fruit out to the girl. "Eat this, it tastes like dirt, but it will keep you alive."

She wrinkled her nose at the fruit, but her hunger gave in and she began to eat ravenously. The juice ran down her face and mingled with the blood that stained her dress.

Thobas stared out across the desert, wondering if he would be able to get the Princess to the rendezvous point in time. He only had three days before the Great Train would stop in Union, and if he wasn't there by then the two of them would be stuck on this side of the desert for another three years.

This side of the desert was not where he wanted to be.

SO FAT

He's so pretty...

I'm more pretty than he is.

Ambient Cultural Knowledge

You know the Bible 72%!

Wow! You are truly a student of the Bible! Some of the questions were difficult, but they didn't slow you down! You know the books, the characters, the events . . . Very impressive!

Ultimate Bible Quiz
Create MySpace Quizzes

BUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Gaggeth me unto a spoon.

Maryland My Maryland

1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question.

NO CHEATING...

I think I will. Also, I had to cheat a little because my shuffler got stuck in my Nizlopi album for some reason so I skipped ahead a little so it wouldn't end up being stupid. Also I skipped one or two that were things like, "Clint Eastwood, an American Filmmaker, Suite Part 1" or "Mild und leise (Leibostod - Tristan und Isolde)" where it didn't make any damn sense at all.

A lot of mine turned out good.

What does next year have in store for me?
Make You Feel Better – Red Hot Chili Peppers

What does your love life look like?
The Sands of Iwo Jima – Drive-By Truckers

What do I say when life gets hard?
Go-Go Gadget Gospel – Gnarls Barkley

What do I think when I get up in the morning?
All in the Groove – Blues Traveler

What song will I dance to at my wedding?
Fuck Her Gently – Tenacious D

What do you want as a career?
Sexy – Black Eyed Peas

Your favorite saying?
Ode to Joy – Some philharmonic

Favorite place?
Thin Line Between Love and Hate – Iron Maiden

What do you think of your parents?
Hooked on a Feeling – Blue Swede

Where would you go on a first date?
Welcome to my Nightmare – Alice Cooper

Drug of choice?
T.N.T. – AC/DC

Describe yourself:
JCB - Nizlopi

What is the thing I like doing most?
Girls – Nizlopi

The song that best describes the president?
Stone Cutter’s Theme – The Simpsons

What is my state of mind like at the moment?
Siegfried’s Funeral March – Vienna Philharmonic

How will I die?
Gummy Bears Theme – Disney

The song you'll put as the subject?
Maryland My Maryland – Bobby Horton

Minority Hymnal

Another thing tagged onto my site because JMJ did it first.

At least check out the "Sermon" post. It gets pretty goofy, um... yo.

Also check out "World's Greatest Cowboy" bits here. They are made even more bizarre.

Mortis

Saddam Hussein Abd al-Majid al-Tikriti,

1937-2006
One of the United States' greatest allies in the Middle East.

He will be missed.