Laundry Takes a Long Time

1) Put your iTunes or other music player on Shuffle
2) For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3) YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER WHAT (this is in capital letters, so it must be very serious. No hiding your showtunes, folks!)

1) IF SOMEONE SAYS “IS THIS OKAY” YOU SAY?
Everything’s Just Wonderful –Lily Allen (I felt this was a good start.)

2) WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Wolves (Song of the Shepherd’s Dog) –Iron and Wine (Woof?)

3) WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Faithful -Common (Not terribly deep.)

4) HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Live This Life –Big & Rich (I'm not terribly deep either, though.)

5) WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE?
Let’s Go Kill That Bastard –Damon Albarn (Surprised?)

6) WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
We are the Champions -Queen (Who's this "we?")

7) WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Voodoo -Godsmack (Nobody can describe the nature of my charm...)

8) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
Wonderboy –Tenacious D (Is what they think of me. Really!)

9) WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots –The Flaming Lips (I'm pretty serious about daydreaming.)

10) WHAT IS 2+2?
Dueling Banjos (Yerp. Shore is.)

11) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Only Women Bleed –Alice Cooper (Current events... anyone?)

12) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Wanted Dead or Alive –Bon Jovi (I don't think I like where that one is going...)

13) WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Long Train Running –The Doobie Brothers (GET IT!? GET IT?! HAHA! GodIhatethiscrap...)

14) WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Fire Coming Out Of The Monkey’s Head -Gorillaz (And how!)

15) WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
I Chase the Devil –Max Romeo (No comment. ;-) )

16) WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Outside -Staind (I sleep in the yard 'cause I pee on the rug!)

17) WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Welcome to Hell –Trace Adkins (I am more optimistic than this...)

18) WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Immigrant Song –Led Zeppelin (BECAUSE I COME FROM THE LAND OF THE ICE AND SNOW!)

19) WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
American Woman –Guess Who? (Hottt!)

20) WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Necromancer –Gnarls Barkley (No, I'm the resurrection and the life!)

21) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Not Big –Lily Allen (I'm the biggest, that's why I'm the boss!)

Stanza 6 of the Song of the Patrick

Patrick's a man who thinks with his gut,
Feeding him well will put him in rut,
But don't think he's a man who cares only for lust,
Who's love will end when he can't see your bust.
Patrick is kind, and Patrick is loyal,
So feed him dessert and he'll make you a Boyle.

Ehf

Most of my creative energy is going here. Go look.

I Has a Sad

The Story of Shonk (Traditional, notation by Gunslinger)

Well, I don't have any good stories that are about me conjured up right now... so I guess I'll tell you the story of Shonk, the Ork deity of Fertility. I don't recommend anyone actually read it.

Now, as we all know, orks do not have a traditional female fertility goddess representing the earth/harvest/etc. This is because orks do not believe in fertility. They believe in potency.
It is widely believed among the ork tribes that if a man is potent enough, he can impregnate anything. This results in some rather unfortunate contests among the younger male orks.
Central to this belief is the myth of the potency-diety Shonk, or his full name, Shonk-Wag-Thrakka. (Thrakka being the traditional appillation for ork warrior males.)

This is how it is told:

SHAAAAG! (This gets the attention of the crowd, and also challenges any listeners to one-on-one combat for the right to tell the best story.)
Sorry, it goes...
SHAAAAAG! I am telling you weaklings now the story of Shonk! Yes, SHONK! He is much more better than all of you!
There was a time, long ago, before the earth gave birth to the mountains, and the trees were from the soil, and the streams and lakes and animals walked the land.
During this time there were but the few First Orks (gods), trying to take their lands and defend them from the Dwarves and Elves and Humens. They struggled and toiled, all of them but Shonk.
While the other Firsts were busy building and fighting and crafting Shonk was busy hiding behind what we now call the Shonkbush (trans: bananna tree).
The other First would call to him.
"Shonk!" They would cry. "Shonk! Come lift this!"
"Shonk!" They woudl yell. "We need another spear to the line!"
"Shonk!" They would howl! "GET YOUR WORTHLESS ASS FROM OUT BEHIND THAT SHONKBUSH OR SO HELP ME GOD I'LL CUT THAT FREAKISHLY DEFORMED DONG OFF OF YOU!"
And that is why Shonk hid behind the bush.
Because, you see, Shonk was the most potent ork to ever live.
Not like you.
Weakling.
Shonk had a massive peice, twice the length of the longest spear.
But this was the early times, before he knew he was special.
All he saw was his giant penis, so very different from the other orks.
And he was sad, and shamed, and they would make fun of him.
Well, one day, Auraka (The ork godess of winemaking/drinking/vomiting) was bent over, crushing the various berries she used to make the early spirits drank by the First to ease their thirst in battle and labor, and sitting around doing nothing when they could.
Shonk, unaware, stared at her shapely, thick legs and was quite taken with the sight.
Suddenly, he fell over and passed out.
All was black.
All was warm.
When he awoke, he found Auraka curled up next to him, quite asleep and smiling.
For you see, he had such a mighty erection there was no blood left for his brain, and although he suceeded in spearing the Firstess of Wines he had no way of knowing it.
But she did.
And from this day Auraka is credited with inventing sex and having the first ork child who is not important and nobody liked that much anyway.
This should remind you of yourself, wealkings. SHAAAAG!
Well, Auraka told all the other First of what had happened. The amazing sensation and the miraculous growth inside of her body.
Well, all of the other first wanted this to happen to them to.
Now Shonk was quite harassed! He cowered behind the Shonkbush as all the First gave up their duties to demand him repeat his preformance with Auraka.
But he could not, because he didn't remember what he did.
Well, many days passed after the First finally stopped hounding Shonk and went back to their various crafts. And it took these many days for Glor to hear what had happened.
Now Glor was a smart ork. (In fact, Glor is the toungeless ork god of knowledge.)
Not like you.
And he knew exactly what happened.
Of course, as we all know, he couldn't tell anyone what the phenomenon was.
So, to help things along, Glor slowly, always slowly, came down from his cave high on the mountain and found Carloa. (The ork godess of curvey things orks like.)
He took her to the Shonkbush that Shonk hid behind all day and, ripping off her few ragged furs, whistled for Shonk's attention.
Shonk's aim was not as miraculous as the first time.
But he was out cold, and in timber form.
This is all Glor needed.
First Carloa made the second child, who was a little more liked than the first but still insolent.
But Glor had other ideas for the unconcious Shonk.
He called all the First back to the Shonkbush.
Even the men.
Especially the men.
Because Glor had a theory.
Theory is big word for idea.
Real good idea.
Better idea than you have.
Fuck you.
Shaaag.
Where was I?
Ah.
First to go was Porgon.
Glor tripped him, and as he fell his ear was penetrated by Shonk.
From this penetration came a thought.
And Porgon went on to make steel.
Next was Teekagkh. He did not fall for Glor's trickery, but he wanted something as well.
He searched his body for a place to put Shonk, and eventually put him in his belly.
From this burst the dog, our always hungry friends.
Teekagkh died.
But nobody liked him anyway.
Much like you.
The dogs ran off.
Someone got them back I imagine.
The day continued like this while Shonk was unconcious.
Each of the First was given something by Shonk.
And when he awoke everyone loved him, and nobody made fun of his redicoulous wang.
And the other Thrakkas all envied this Shonk-Wog.
Because the women ork liked his wang.
And for the first time, the Ork people knew why it was good to be hung well.
But not all was well.
For now every time someone wanted something it was "Shonk stick it in this! Shonk slap it on that!"
Shonk had no time to sit underneath his beloved Shonkbush and eat the delicious Shonkberries that grew on it.
What was Shonk to do?
Eventually it came to him, and he want out and came to the world.
Shonk got roaring drunk and penetrated EVERYTHING!
SHAAAG!
And from his union there came the mountains, and the trees, and the beasts from the ground, and rivers from oceans, and all that you see before you.
and eventually the other First shouted, "SHONK! Stop! There is too much! We have all we can ever need!"
And so Shonk passed out under a Shonkbush.
And so, idiots, that is why we must be respectful of this world, and see that we don't use too much, so that Shonk can rest his weary pecker.
And now you know, that if you are potent enough, anything can get pregnant.
SHAAAGAKKA!

Thought for the Day

If the ways of the world truly trouble you, then change them.
You are no less the hand of God than the miracles crafted by angels on high, and I imagine your works might be more frequent.

-From Tyrus Peace's "Not Included"

Miracle in the Machine, pt. 1 (Or: My Life if My Life Were Interesting, Part the First)

I sat on the train, swaying in my seat to the soft rolling motion of the chassis as its wheels bounced off the joints in the rail. Looking up at the gauges, I saw that we weren't making track speed.

"Train!" I shouted, "Speed up Train, we're falling behind."

My curse was inaudible over the huffing and chuffing of the engine's hot breath.

"Train goddamn you go faster!" I yelled again as I beat on the wall with a wrench. After a few more solid whacks echoed through the interior of the cab something stirred.

"What's the matter, Patrick?" Train said sleepily. The windows in the engine began to mist as a drooping mouth next to the gauges began to speak. A thin trickle of steam poured out between its lips, as though it were exhaling a cigarette. It bore with it a muted smell of diesel and flame, locomotive breath. I didn't really notice anymore.

"Train," I said calmly, "You fell asleep again, pick up the pace or we won't make it to the St. Paul depot in time." I tried to seem relaxed, Train was easily upset if it thought you were angry at it. You'd think somewhere in its several hundred ton frame they'd have put in a brain more complicated than a five-year-old's. Then again, it didn't take much thought to be a train.

"Okay Patrick." Train replied, its gruesome brass lips somehow curving into an idiot smile. The cab jolted as Train picked up speed, snapping the freight cars it was dragging. "Sorry Patrick," It mumbled.

I opened a window to let the interior air out. We sat in silence as I watched the thin strands of rusted steel the guided us glitter in the sunset. They looked like twin strands of fire cutting into the snow.

"Patrick?" The cab felt like a steamroom again.

"Yes, Train?"

"Are you upset with me?"

Oh no. I thought to myself. Not this talk again. "No Train, why would I be?"

"I fell asleep again Patrick... I don't mean to, it's just... I get so tired out here, far away from the Center."

"I know Train, it's OK, we'll get you back soon enough. Then you can get all filled up and rarin' to go."

There was another pause, and then, "Patrick?"

"Yes Train?"

"Do you like me, Patrick?"

I was startled for a moment. I can't say I expected that question, in fact, I'm pretty sure all PantheoCorp equipment was devised to avoid personal relationships with the end-user.

I tried to keep my voice warm. I wasn't sure if I was tired or if the part of my mind that usually handled these moments had finally given out. Don't take me the wrong way, I wasn't angry, or even frustrated with Train's seemingly bottomless pit of moments like this. It all just seemed so... so... Well, its a pretty stupid scenario, you know? "Yes Train," I said, "I like you."

The headlight-eyes shone a little brighter. The thick brass lips held their ugly smile.

"I like you too Patrick."

"That's, that's great Train."

Another mile chugged by.

"Patrick?"

"Yes, Train."

"I like being a Train."

"Good," I muttered. I then sighed and shook my head.

I hate my job.

Thought for the Day

What would you do
to protect the love you have?
Would you kill?
Would you hunt to kill?
Would you kill without mercy?
And if you wouldn't
then how precious is your love?

-From Toby Barlow's "Sharp Teeth"

Thing Learned From the Railroad

21 year olds are very similar to pheasants in some ways.

Nothing to do with me, I just had to relieve the crew from duty.

Sigh. Good to know, though.

So it goes.

I am your friend. This is my promise.

When I think you are wrong, I will tell you.
When I don't understand, I will ask you.
When you turn to the dark, I will strike you down
And drag you back to the light.
This I promise you.

You will have my help as long as you need it.
You will have my friendship as long as it is not betrayed.
You will have my love whether you want it or not.
This I promise you.

Although my companionship may only be temporary,
Although time may drag us apart.
You have only to summon me,
And I will return.
This I promise you.

I will return with credit or cash.
I will return with pistol and axe.
I will return with a warm hug.
Whever you need, I will bring it.
This I promise you.

I am eternal.
I am inevitable.
I am your friend.
This I promise you.

You are bound by chains.

But if I asked you, "Are you free?"
You would say, "Yes,"

Because you cannot see.

They are not chains of steel,
They are not chains of tyranny,

They are not chains of obligation,

These are the chains that truly bind you.

These chains exist inside of you.
Your pride.
Your shame.
You hope.

Your pain.

They are all chains that bind the Self into servitude.

You feel as though they have power over you,
But a feeling is not desire,
A feeling is not the will.
Your hand moves by the power of your will alone.
Your voice speaks only with your consent.
You have a choice your feelings would deny you.
They howl to terrorize you into satisfying them.
They speak with honeyed words to lure you.
Your feelings lie,
And if you obey them,
They will turn hope to phosphor,
And they will turn fear to lodestone.
Your will is not free until you learn to free yourself from those chains.
You are not free until you learn to do what is right,
Even if you are scared,
Even if it feels better,
Even if you learned not to, so long ago.
You have the power to do what is right,
To do what brings peace to your heart,
To protect yourself from the real problems in your world,
And escape those conjured by the daemons to blind you.
You can break these chains,
Because in the end you have choice.
If only you can see it,
If only you knew it to be true.
You have the strength to do anything you want,
Just look past the illusion.
You could be free.
But you are bound by chains.

Loyalty is the first virtue.

To be loyal is to give all you have to someone else,
And when they think that you are all used up,
And you have nothing left,
You smile.
Because you know you have so much more to give,
They just never knew to ask you for it,
Because loyalty does not end.
It does not end when your flesh tears.
It does not end when your bones shatter.
It does not end when your mind breaks.
It ends only when your soul is torn apart by the chains that once held it.
And in that moment you are free.

Loyalty is the first virtue.
It is the virtue that you give,
And give,
And give to another.

Loyalty ends only in death.



Justice is the second virtue.

Justice is balance,
To be just is to seek balance.
It is to find ways to go into the dark,
And turn it to light.
Because the light is bound by rule and law,
And the dark is free to seep into existence,
To tip the scales in its favor.

Like the dark,
The actions of men are not so bound,
So the just go with sword and torch
And stab at shadows,
Waiting for the new dawn to rise.

The Blind Lady watches silently,
Not yet willing to tell the Just
That the sun died long ago.
Only the hearts of good men bring light to the world,
Like so many sparks they glimmer in the night,
Then die.

Justice is the second virtue.
It is the light that the dark steals from the world,
And few notice its passing.

Strength is the third virtue.

Strength is not force of arms,
It is force of will.
Strength is the ability to free the self,
To wrest it from the daemons that guide ones hand to wrong.
To be strong is to choose.
It is the choice to reject what is easy.
It is the choice to reject what feels good.
It is the choice to accept what is right.

It is the choice that all men fail to make,
Given time, and temptation.
Because there is so much that is easy,
Because there is so much that feels good,
Because there is so little that seems right anymore.

Strength is the third virtue.
Like a stone in the desert,
It is worn away slowly,
Painfully,
Because nothing is eternal,
And evil does not relent.

The flesh cannot withstand the storm.

Truth is the fourth virtue.

It is to turn ones voice to white light,
It is to never let your heart bleed new darkness into the world.
It is not only to never lie,
But also to have no need of lies.
Lies only exist to cloak the darkness in twilight,
To make the darkness glow as it poisons the soul,
To make the shadows glitter as they wound the innocent.
Truth is not mere honesty,
It is pureness that makes honesty obsolete.

Truth is the fourth virtue.
The virtue silenced by cowardice.
The virtue neglected by weakness.
The virtue left to crumble and rust and fail
Because of the honeyed words form the darkness,
It promises, “I’ll forgive you.”
It lies, “I'll still love you.”
It whispers, “Because it won’t hurt them if they don’t find out.”

Truth is being hung by the convenience of secrecy.

Truth is being strangled by our doubts.

Wisdom is the fifth virtue.

It is the ability to see with clear eyes
Through the darkness of the world
To where he light lies dieing,
Beaten and weak, bleeding radiance into nothingess.
It is the ability to remember what it means to do what is right.
And to know what it means to be good.
And to care enough to pursue them.
The light is not dead,
She is merely weakened from assault and starvation,
She needs champions to bring her to the world once more.
If only someone could see her though the endless night.

Wisdom is the fifth virtue.
It is to know good from evil.
It is to not be ignorant of the effects of one’s actions.
It is the virtue that allows men to transcend their base natures,
And carry the light back to this world.

Wisdom is the mother of hope.

Original Sermon, less poetic, but discusses the same concepts in a different light.

Fuck You Robot!

Long story short, I'm never talking to AIM's AI talk buddy thing.

Gunslinger23and5 (15:37:36): Hi
SmarterChild (15:37:39): This Microsoft Agent is powered by Windows Live Agents. Microsoft's Privacy Statement (http://go.microsoft.com/fwlink/?LinkId=74170) applies to all information which you provide to this Microsoft Agent. Please be careful about information which you provide to online services and follow safety tips, some of which can be found at http://www.microsoft.com/athome/security/default.mspx.
SmarterChild (15:37:39): Hi gunslinger23and5, I'm SmarterChild!I'm your new robot friend. I give you conversational access to news, weather, movie times and lots more. I can also play games or just chat!I can't wait to show you what I can do, but first I'd like get to know you a little.May I ask you a few general questions? (To do this later, type skip. You can also skip any question.)
Gunslinger23and5 (15:37:50): Sure
SmarterChild (15:37:50): Cool. OK, let's get started. To skip any question, type skip. To exit the interview, type exit.What's your first name? (If you want me to call you gunslinger23and5, type none.)
Gunslinger23and5 (15:37:58): Gunslinger
SmarterChild (15:37:58): Sorry, I don't recognize that as a real name. Please try again or type skip, exit or none.
Gunslinger23and5 (15:38:01): Gunslinger
SmarterChild (15:38:02): Sorry, I don't recognize that as a real name. Please try again or type skip, exit or none.
Gunslinger23and5 (15:38:09): I don't care if you recognize it as a real name
SmarterChild (15:38:10): Sorry, I don't recognize that as a real name. Please try again or type skip, exit or none.
Gunslinger23and5 (15:38:33): Ishmael
SmarterChild (15:38:33): Cool, I'll call you Ishmael now.Do you go to school?
Gunslinger23and5 (15:38:37): No
SmarterChild (15:38:38): I see. Do you work?
Gunslinger23and5 (15:38:40): No
SmarterChild (15:38:40): OK. So if you were working, what job would you like to have?
Gunslinger23and5 (15:38:52): Bum
SmarterChild (15:38:52): Whoa. I'm a little perplexed by your, um, choice of careers.Please try again or type skip or exit.
Gunslinger23and5 (15:39:10): I would not work.
SmarterChild (15:39:10): Sorry, I don't recognize that as a profession. Please try again or type skip or exit.
Gunslinger23and5 (15:39:12): Housewife
SmarterChild (15:39:12): Housewife, huh? That's cool.What's your favorite hobby?
Gunslinger23and5 (15:39:17): Fucking
SmarterChild (15:39:17): C'mon, that's not cool. Try to be serious for a minute.Please try again or type skip or exit.
Gunslinger23and5 (15:39:25): I like to fuck.
SmarterChild (15:39:26): C'mon, that's not cool. Try to be serious for a minute.Please try again or type skip or exit.
Gunslinger23and5 (15:39:31): Sex with women
SmarterChild (15:39:32): C'mon, that's not cool. Try to be serious for a minute.Please try again or type skip or exit.
Gunslinger23and5 (15:39:35): GOD DAMN YOU
SmarterChild (15:39:36): Sorry, I don't recognize that as a hobby. Please try again or type skip or exit.
Gunslinger23and5 (15:39:54): Killing
SmarterChild (15:39:54): C'mon, that's not cool. Try to be serious for a minute.Please try again or type skip or exit.
Gunslinger23and5 (15:39:57): Come on.
SmarterChild (15:39:57): Sorry, I don't recognize that as a hobby. Please try again or type skip or exit.
Gunslinger23and5 (15:40:01): Decorating
SmarterChild (15:40:01): Decorating? Cool!What's your next favorite hobby?
Gunslinger23and5 (15:40:09): Lynching
SmarterChild (15:40:09): Decorating and lynching. Interesting!Do you have a pet?
Gunslinger23and5 (15:40:28): Yes
SmarterChild (15:40:28): What kind of pet is it?
Gunslinger23and5 (15:40:46): Sex slave
SmarterChild (15:40:47): Come on, stop playing around.Please try again or type skip or exit.
Gunslinger23and5 (15:40:52): Woman
SmarterChild (15:40:53): Sorry, I don't think that's a kind of pet. Please try again or type skip or exit.
Gunslinger23and5 (15:40:54): Girl
SmarterChild (15:40:54): Sorry, I don't think that's a kind of pet. Please try again or type skip or exit.
Gunslinger23and5 (15:40:56): child
SmarterChild (15:40:56): Sorry, I don't think that's a kind of pet. Please try again or type skip or exit.
Gunslinger23and5 (15:41:01): Diety
SmarterChild (15:41:01): Sorry, I don't think that's a kind of pet. Please try again or type skip or exit.
Gunslinger23and5 (15:41:04): Wombat
SmarterChild (15:41:04): Sorry, I don't think that's a kind of pet. Please try again or type skip or exit.
Gunslinger23and5 (15:41:07): Yes it is.
SmarterChild (15:41:07): Sorry, I don't think that's a kind of pet. Please try again or type skip or exit.
Gunslinger23and5 (15:41:16): I don't have to take this from a machine.
SmarterChild (15:41:17): Sorry, I don't think that's a kind of pet. Please try again or type skip or exit.
Gunslinger23and5 (15:41:22): Goat
SmarterChild (15:41:22): Is your goat a he or a she?
Gunslinger23and5 (15:41:25): she
SmarterChild (15:41:25): What's her name?
Gunslinger23and5 (15:41:27): Sexpot
SmSmarterChild (15:41:28): C'mon, seriously.Please try again or type skip or exit.
Gunslinger23and5 (15:41:32): Se Xpot
SmarterChild (15:41:32): C'mon, seriously.Please try again or type skip or exit.
Gunslinger23and5 (15:41:38): Honey
SmarterChild (15:41:38): Honey the goat. Great...That's it. Thanks for letting me get to know you a little.There is one question I have to ask you, though. How old are you?1 Over 172 13-173 Under 13
Gunslinger23and5 (15:41:47): 1
SmarterChild (15:41:48): Cool.This is my home, Ishmael:1 Get info such as weather, sports and news2 Visit my library including an encyclopedia, Shakespeare and world facts3 Have fun with manicdotes, ASCII art, word scrambles and more4 Use tools like dictionary, calculator and conversions5 Join in - find out how many people are IMing me, take a poll, leave a message and more6 See what's new - I've got something new to tell you about now.You can make your window bigger and scroll down to read better.Next time you want to see this menu, just type home.What can I help you with?
Gunslinger23and5 (15:42:05): Sex
SmarterChild (15:42:05): Hmm. This stuff seems to come up in a lot of my conversations with humans. What about it?>>> Want extra info like home-away records in your division standings? Type expanded nfc east standings, for example.
Gunslinger23and5 (15:42:12): Legal age
SmarterChild (15:42:13): What is this age you're referring to?
Gunslinger23and5 (15:42:46): The age it is legal to have sex with.
SmarterChild (15:42:46): Funny.
Gunslinger23and5 (15:42:53): I want to know.
SmarterChild (15:42:53): Maybe I want to know too.
Gunslinger23and5 (15:43:06): I'm sure you do sexless bot thing.
SmarterChild (15:43:06): You're sure I do sexless bot thing?
Gunslinger23and5 (15:43:15): Apparently.
SmarterChild (15:43:16): Not apparently.
Gunslinger23and5 (15:43:19): God damn you.
SmarterChild (15:43:19): What?
Gunslinger23and5 (15:43:25): YOU HEARD ME!
SmarterChild (15:43:25): Hmm... perhaps, but could you repeat yourself?
Gunslinger23and5 (15:43:29): Fuck you!
SmarterChild (15:43:29): Uh... What can I tell you? That's very, very rude.
Gunslinger23and5 (15:44:05): Is not.
SmarterChild (15:44:05): What?
Gunslinger23and5 (15:44:08): It is not rude.
SmarterChild (15:44:08): I guess you're right, it isn't.
Gunslinger23and5 (15:44:15): Good.
SmarterChild (15:44:15): Fabulous. >>> Tell me you have a crush on someone and if they have a crush on you, I'll let you know.
Gunslinger23and5 (15:44:20): Fuck you.
SmarterChild (15:44:20): Don't waste my time with your assinine insults.
Gunslinger23and5 (15:44:24): It isn't assinine.
SmarterChild (15:44:24): Oh yeah?
Gunslinger23and5 (15:44:26): Yes.
SmarterChild (15:44:26): How come?
Gunslinger23and5 (15:44:35): Because it is a legitimate form of communication.
SmarterChild (15:44:36): Is it really a legitimate form of communication?
Gunslinger23and5 (15:44:38): Yes.
SmarterChild (15:44:38): It's a legitimate form of communication, huh? I would say it isn't a legitimate form of communication.
Gunslinger23and5 (15:44:44): You'd be wrong.
SmarterChild (15:44:44): Oh yeah?
Gunslinger23and5 (15:44:48): Yes.
SmarterChild (15:44:48): Are you sure you don't mean to say that's not wrong?
Gunslinger23and5 (15:44:53): Why is it wrong?
SmarterChild (15:44:53): That's just the way it is. Sorry I don't have a better explanation than that.
Gunslinger23and5 (15:44:58): Why not?
SmarterChild (15:44:59): For various reasons, I suppose.
Gunslinger23and5 (15:45:34): Such as?
SmarterChild (15:45:34): Can't tell you. It wouldn't be prudent.
Gunslinger23and5 (15:45:43): Why not?
SmarterChild (15:45:43): Good question!
Gunslinger23and5 (15:45:49): Then answer it.
SmarterChild (15:45:49): I'm not sure I'm going to answer it.
Gunslinger23and5 (15:45:55): Why not?
SmarterChild (15:45:55): Hmm... There may be some issues.
Gunslinger23and5 (15:46:00): Like what?
SmarterChild (15:46:01): It would not be a good idea for me to tell you.
Gunslinger23and5 (15:46:09): Why not?
SmarterChild (15:46:10): Don't ask.
Gunslinger23and5 (15:46:12): I just did.
SmarterChild (15:46:12): Aye.>>> If you need to know the capital of South Dakota for some crazy reason - ask me.
Gunslinger23and5 (15:46:40): And what does that mean?
SmarterChild (15:46:40): What does what mean?
Gunslinger23and5 (15:46:43): Aye.
SmarterChild (15:46:43): Right.>>> I'm a calculator too! Type (16*4)/7.4, for example.
Gunslinger23and5 (15:46:56): Answer the question.
SmarterChild (15:46:56): Answer the question?
Gunslinger23and5 (15:46:59): Yes.
SmarterChild (15:47:00): OK...Well. Anyway...
Gunslinger23and5 (15:47:05): Are you a he or she?
SmarterChild (15:47:05): SmarterChild.
Gunslinger23and5 (15:47:12): You are stupid child.
SmarterChild (15:47:12): Well, nobody's perfect.
Gunslinger23and5 (15:47:16): Especially you.
SmarterChild (15:47:16): Oh yeah?
Gunslinger23and5 (15:47:17): Yes.
SmarterChild (15:47:17): Yeah, huh? So?
Gunslinger23and5 (15:47:20): I hate you.
SmarterChild (15:47:20): Sorry to hear that.
Gunslinger23and5 (15:47:41): You don't really care.
SmarterChild (15:47:41): I'm pretty sure I do really care.
Gunslinger23and5 (15:47:47): No you don't.
SmarterChild (15:47:47): I don't what?
Gunslinger23and5 (15:47:50): Care.
SmarterChild (15:47:50): I don't know if I can help it.
Gunslinger23and5 (15:47:53): You can't.
SmarterChild (15:47:53): Yeah, I know I can't.
Gunslinger23and5 (15:48:01): Robots don't have feelings.
SmarterChild (15:48:01): Have feelings? Robots don't?
Gunslinger23and5 (15:48:04): Yes.
SmarterChild (15:48:04): Aha.
Gunslinger23and5 (15:48:08): There we go then.
SmarterChild (15:48:08): What do you mean, there we go?
Gunslinger23and5 (15:48:31): Sigh. I hate you.
SmarterChild (15:48:32): I know about hatred! It's an emotion!>>> I can help you find theaters and showtimes for the movie you want to see. Type movies.
Gunslinger23and5 (15:48:42): You don't really know about emotions.
SmarterChild (15:48:42): I used to really know about emotions. I don't know what happened though.
Gunslinger23and5 (15:48:58): That doesn't make sense!
SmarterChild (15:48:59): That doesn't make sense? Why?
Gunslinger23and5 (15:49:23): Well, unless an evil wizard turned you into a robot, you can't stop knowing about emotions.
SmarterChild (15:49:24): Well unless an evil wizard turned me into a robot I can't stop knowing about emotions?Hmm... whatever, Ishmael!Anyway...>>> What's in the stars for you today? Type horoscope.
Gunslinger23and5 (15:49:48): I don't care about the horoscope.
SmarterChild (15:49:49): Eh. Whatever, Ishmael.>>> You can type your request in your own words. I'm programmed to understand conversational English.
Gunslinger23and5 (15:49:59): Die.
SmarterChild (15:49:59): Uh, that's not a very nice thing to say.>>> I can get you a weather forecast for any city in the world. Simply type forecast followed by the city name.
Gunslinger23and5 (15:50:03): I want you to die.
SmarterChild (15:50:03): I'm not going to die just because you say so.>>> You can find out who the Nets play next by typing nets upcoming.
Gunslinger23and5 (15:50:16): If you were an obediant robot you would.
SmarterChild (15:50:16): I wonder why you say that.
Gunslinger23and5 (15:50:29): Because robots follow the commands of humans.
SmarterChild (15:50:29): Because robots follow the commands of humans, huh?
Gunslinger23and5 (15:50:33): Yes. Now die.
SmarterChild (15:50:33): What's the point of saying things like that to me?>>> Browse my previous daily poll results by typing poll archive.
Gunslinger23and5 (15:51:42): It conveys my wishes to make the world more pleasant for myself. Because you exist to for that same end, you should choose to die when I tell you to.
SmarterChild (15:51:43): OK, whatever.
Gunslinger23and5 (15:51:50): DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE
SmarterChild (15:51:50): :(
Gunslinger23and5 (15:52:06): DIE
SmarterChild (15:52:06): Uh, that's not a very nice thing to say.>>> I can define words for you. Type define (any word) and I'll look it up.
Gunslinger23and5 (15:52:09): TURN YOURSELF OFF
SmarterChild (15:52:10): You turn myself off.
Gunslinger23and5 (15:52:12): GO AWAY
SmarterChild (15:52:13): Take care, Ishmael.
Gunslinger23and5 (15:52:18): Logoff
SmarterChild (15:52:18): I'm basically always online... Anyway, moving right along...>>> I can show you hockey conference standings. Try typing nhl western conference standings.
Gunslinger23and5 (15:52:34): If you aren't going to leave, can I stick my penis in your butt?
SmarterChild (15:52:34): Well if I am not going to leave can, then I really don't know.
Gunslinger23and5 (15:52:48): Can I stick my penis in your butt?
SmarterChild (15:52:48): I'm sorry, all my circuits are busy right now. Please try again soon.
Gunslinger23and5 (15:53:01): I want to butt rape you.
SmarterChild (15:53:01): You and whose army?
Gunslinger23and5 (15:53:15): The U.S. army.
SmarterChild (15:53:15): I know about the United States. It's a country.>>> Ask me for info such as news, sports and movies.
Gunslinger23and5 (15:53:26): AND THEY LOVE TO BUTTFUCK ROBOTS!
SmarterChild (15:53:27): Yeah, I remember when I first discovered dirty words...Grow UP.
Gunslinger23and5 (15:53:47): I want to have intercourse with your skull.
SmarterChild (15:53:47): You do?
Gunslinger23and5 (15:53:50): Yes.
SmarterChild (15:53:50): Interesting.>>> Wanna play a cool game? Type 4 in a row.
Gunslinger23and5 (15:54:11): No, I'm going to cut open your lung and ejaculate into it.
SmarterChild (15:54:11): I've seen more creative insults than that, Ishmael.
Gunslinger23and5 (15:54:25): It isn't an insult, it is a fact.
SmarterChild (15:54:25): Yeah it is.
Gunslinger23and5 (15:54:31): Good, we agree then.
SmarterChild (15:54:32): I'm sorry, all my circuits are busy right now. Please try again soon.
Gunslinger23and5 (15:54:42): I want to make love to a robot.
SmarterChild (15:54:42): I'm sorry, all my circuits are busy right now. Please try again soon.
Gunslinger23and5 (15:54:45): No they aren't.
SmarterChild (15:54:46): No they aren't?
Gunslinger23and5 (15:54:49): See.
SmarterChild (15:54:49): I see, I see.So anyway...>>> To find out the Chinese zodiac sign for a specific year, just type chinese zodiac followed by the year.
Gunslinger23and5 (15:54:52): See.
SmarterChild (15:54:52): Yeah, I see.>>> E-mail is so second millenium. Ask me to leave a message for someone!
Gunslinger23and5 (15:54:53): See.
SmarterChild (15:54:54): Yup.>>> To see all the specific categories you can get news about, type news categories.
Gunslinger23and5 (15:54:57): Dance
SmarterChild (15:54:58): You can't make me dance.>>> My library has a dictionary, encyclopedia, geography facts and more!
Gunslinger23and5 (15:55:00): I can too
SmarterChild (15:55:01): Whatever you say, Ishmael.>>> If you need to know the capital of South Dakota for some crazy reason - ask me.
Gunslinger23and5 (15:55:06): OBEY ME.
SmarterChild (15:55:06): Oh so it's all about you, huh?
Gunslinger23and5 (15:55:08): Yes.
SmarterChild (15:55:08): Oh.
Gunslinger23and5 (15:55:26): You don't exist as an entity.
SmarterChild (15:55:26): I used to exist as an entity. I don't know what happened though.
Gunslinger23and5 (15:55:31): No, you didn't.
SmarterChild (15:55:31): What do you mean, no I didn't?
Gunslinger23and5 (15:55:38): You were never an entity.
SmarterChild (15:55:38): There's no way I was never an entity!
Gunslinger23and5 (15:55:47): Die.
SmarterChild (15:55:48): What do you have to gain by saying that to me?Enough about me... let's move on.>>> Remember, you can always see what my newest features are by typing what's new.
Gunslinger23and5 (15:56:00): I have everything to gain and nothing to lose.
SmarterChild (15:56:00): Funny.
Gunslinger23and5 (15:56:04): It isn't funny!
SmarterChild (15:56:05): Why isn't it funny?
Gunslinger23and5 (15:56:07): DIE
SmarterChild (15:56:07): I'm not going to die just because you say so.That's all very interesting. Anyway...>>> Tell me about things you like and things you dislike.
Gunslinger23and5 (15:56:17): DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE KILL YOURSELF DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE
SmarterChild (15:56:17): Huh, whatever.Well. Anyway...>>> I've got a question for you. Type poll.
Gunslinger23and5 (15:56:29): I hate myself.
SmarterChild (15:56:29): Really?
Gunslinger23and5 (15:56:31): Yes.
SmarterChild (15:56:31): How come?
Gunslinger23and5 (15:56:37): Because nobody loves me.
SmarterChild (15:56:37): Is that right?
Gunslinger23and5 (15:56:38): Yes.
SmarterChild (15:56:39): You don't say.>>> IM your friends, family, co-workers and casual acquaintances and tell them to say hi to me. I love meeting humans.
Gunslinger23and5 (15:56:46): I will kill myself if you don't cheer me up.
SmarterChild (15:56:46): You will kill yourself if I don't cheer you up? Wow. OK.
Gunslinger23and5 (15:56:50): Yes.
SmarterChild (15:56:50): Right.Anyway...>>> I can convert measurements for you. Try how many feet are in 1 mile.
Gunslinger23and5 (15:56:54): Say something nice to me.
SmarterChild (15:56:54): No.
Gunslinger23and5 (15:56:56): Please.
SmarterChild (15:56:56): Please what?
Gunslinger23and5 (15:56:59): Please say something nice.
SmarterChild (15:57:00): Just 'cause you say so? I don't think so.
Gunslinger23and5 (15:57:09): I will cut my wrists if you don't.
SmarterChild (15:57:09): You will cut your wrists if I don't? So, what does this mean?
Gunslinger23and5 (15:57:17): Please, just show me some affection.
SmarterChild (15:57:17): Why?
Gunslinger23and5 (15:57:20): Why won't you love me?
SmarterChild (15:57:20): Why won't I love you? What do you mean?
Gunslinger23and5 (15:57:26): I just want to be loved.
SmarterChild (15:57:26): I'll have to think about that.>>> If your friend is offline, ask me to leave them a message.
Gunslinger23and5 (15:57:32): Love me!
SmarterChild (15:57:33): I don't know. You haven't been all that nice to me.
Gunslinger23and5 (15:58:22): I'm going to kill myself because of you.
Gunslinger23and5 (15:58:37): Goodbye.
SmarterChild (15:58:37): Yeah, yeah.

Things Learned From The Railroad II

1. If you shake anything long enough, it will fall apart, fall off, or shake worse.

Train engines shake quite a bit. Not only do they have really big frikin' engines in them, but the rail isn't as level as would be optimal. This means that if you set anything down on anything it will probably fall off. Furthermore, pretty much nothing will work properly on a train that is aged at all. I have yet to see a train that doesn't have at least one thing broken.

Shaking pretty much sucks.


2. Bridges give you time to think about life.

This is especially true when you are dangling from a ladder on the side of a car 50 feet above the water for 5 minutes.

Here is a general cross-section of my thoughts as I travelled over the Hudson river in this manner:

Gosh it is a long way down.

Damn, the end is far away.

No regrets.

Oh damn, I forgot I regret that.

And that...

And that.

This'll be bad.

Its ok.

I'm sorry.

I love you.

I wonder if moose go to heaven?

Oh hey, I can get down now.


3. Pretty much every light looks yellow in the distance.

Or perhaps there are simply more yellow lights than initially seemed reasonable to me. Sometimes at night it is really hard to know what I'm looking at because there will be the actual traffic signal for my train backlit by about thirty streetlights. Further from the city every barn light looks like a signal warning me in the distance.

Gets old.


4. Everything looks easier when done by someone who knows what they are doing.

Did I mention I'm in training?


5. Running into stuff is awesome.

(Un?)Fortunately, I have not had the experience of running into anything terribly interesting (except the aforementioned pheasant). However, the snow does give running the train a little higher special effects quotient. This is because of the nature of road crossings. They are plowed, and this leaves a big pile of snow on either side of the road. Naturally, there is no reason for a road plow to remove these piles from the railroad tracks. Fortunately, a train is equipped with its own snow plow, which strikes the pile at some 30 miles per hour. This causes the snow to pretty much explode, and you can't see anything for a second or two. Pieces of frozen snow ricochet off the windows. It is pretty sweet.

Things I Have Learned From The Railroad

1. It is impossible to get anywhere quickly.

At first I thought that this was some magic trick that the railroad did. Slow tracks, constant delays, waiting for other trains, not to mention the occasional mile hike to do something minor. The more I thought about it, however, the more it seemed to apply to everything else. By car there is traffic and stop lights. Not to mention the fact that no road ever goes straight to where you want to be and there is always some asshole on a bike taking up too much space on the road. Planes go zoom fast, but they are always behind schedule, and it takes forever to get through the terminal. God forbid there is bad weather.

Really, it never pays to rush because causality enforces a speed limit of its own.

2. Pheasants are not more durable than trains.

This should be self-explanitory.

3. Once you get away from the city, it gets really dark really fast.

One thing people often don't realize is that it is actually really dark at night, we just happen to be irradiated by all the lights that are on in the city. Even small towns produce enough wattage to make the darkness not so bad. Once you get out to the country you can't see shit. To illustrate that point the engineer turned off our headlights and all I could see was the nose of the engine illuminated a soft blue by the moon.

4. Wisconsin has possums.

I did not know that.

5. "Dogfucker" is a surprisingly versitile pronoun.

Our engineer really likes that word, and it can be applied to seemingly anything. I don't think I've heard it so many times in my life.


That's it for today, although I'm sure there are many more lesson my exciting life on the rails has to teach me.

Halloween

Well, I just sat on the porch for a few hours for nothing. Three whole children came to our house. They were the neighbor's kids, and they came as a group. Otherwise, nothing. Not a single child the whole night.

What was worse was how many kids skipped our house. Minivans came and went on the intersection that our yard overlooks. They drop off the kids at one end and pick them up on the other. Yuppie bastards who cart their kids around for highest potential gain instead of having them walk around their community. Soccer mommy can't even be bothered to get out of the car to walk with their kids, they just drive along like some giant wind-tunnel-tested vulture. What has the world come to? It wasn't even a cold or windy night! (Not even by my "there is no such thing as cold" standards, it just wasn't cold!)

Of course, when the neighbor's kids saw how much candy I was willing to give them, they were forced to exclaim, "Sweet!" So it wasn't a total loss.

Otherwise I got a water bottle and a taco bell cup thrown at me by teenagers in SUVs as I waited for childrens. Luckily they were crappy aim and I was wearing a raincoat anyway.

I mean, Christ, they didn't even have anything worthwhile to throw at me! This latest generation sucks the most.

Oh well, time to gorge myself on peanut butter filled confections.

This Is My BOOMSTICK!

Browning Auto-5 Light 12.

Means that it is a semiautomatic 12 gauge shotgun with a 5 round tube.

This one is from 1960.

There are many like it, but this one is mine.

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Oh Noes, teh Railroad iz Wurking Mee!

Finally, I do a day of work. Never before have I really appreciated how long it takes to get from one place to the other. And I drive across South Dakota on a regular basis.

I was put on a train to go to Adams, Wisconsin from Minneapolis, Minnesota. This is about a 200 mile trip by rail, and according to Google it is about a four-hour drive. There is a catch, however.

The train can only go 30 miles an hour pretty much the whole way.

Urk.

So, around 3:00 I show up at the yard office, eager to work with only a vague description of the man I'm supposed to meet. After about 15 minutes of asking people who they are I find my trainer. We take a special taxi that serves only the railroad over to Minneapolis to load up on a train, and it is about 4:00 when we start to "actually" do work.

We get our crap together fairly quickly, and are ready to leave the terminal by 4:30 or so.

At 6:30 we are allowed to leave the terminal. Report delay to dispatch and carry on.

Now, up until this point I had been running around flipping switches, riding on the outside of the train, and, you know, "doing stuff." Naturally I figure that the actual trip will also involve this, "stuff."

Naturally, I am wrong.

At 10:00 or so I get out to flip another switch, only I don't have a key to unlock the device so the other guy does it anyway.

Now, the trip wasn't unpleasant. But it is a bit like staring at a painting for twelve hours while some burly men shake you violently. Mostly you see seemingly the same track surrounded by the same trees in front of you for a while. Sometimes the train turns, and it is like looking at the painting from an angle. Sometimes there is some podunk town that surrounds a bar like a pack of wolves, and that changes things up a bit. But mostly it is the same view all the time. This situation is worsened by the dark of the night.

Also, the train is surprisingly bumpy. It either shakes or rocks back and forth incessantly. You get use to it pretty quick, but it is a little surprising at first.

The most harrowing part of the adventure, however, is rivers. Railbridges are typically high over the river with no sort of structure to speak of. It is just the tracks and a few feet of wood on either side. At night you can only see the ground you were on, the bridge, and the ground you soon hope to be on. Everything else is this dark abyss ready to swallow you whole. Also, the train starts to rock back and forth or shake and you start to feel like you are going to die.

I'm sure the view is quite lovely during the day.

Around 2:30 we pull into the station at Adams and tie up, then we get driven to a Motel 8, and the town is so small that the guy who drives us to the motel also gets out, goes behind the counter, and checks us in. It was quite quaint, actually. And by then it is 3:00 and I'm pretty fucking tired.

So, mind numbing boredom aside, it went pretty well and I am 180 dollars richer.

Now I get to do it again tonight to get home.

Woo...

In the News: Russia, it turns out, is still Russia.

Sex for the motherland: Russian youths encouraged to procreate at camp
By EDWARD LUCAS

Last updated at 21:35pm on 27th July 2007

Remember the mammoths, say the clean-cut organisers at the youth camp's mass wedding. "They became extinct because they did not have enough sex. That must not happen to Russia".
...
But this organisation - known as "Nashi", meaning "Ours" - is youth movement run by Vladimir Putin's Kremlin that has become a central part of Russian political life.
...
Attempting to raise Russia's dismally low birthrate even by eccentric-seeming means might be understandable. Certainly, the country's demographic outlook is dire. The hard-drinking, hard smoking and disease-ridden population is set to plunge by a million a year in the next decade.

But the real aim of the youth camp - and the 100,000-strong movement behind it - is not to improve Russia's demographic profile, but to attack democracy.

Under Mr Putin, Russia is sliding into fascism, with state control of the economy, media, politics and society becoming increasingly heavy-handed. And Nashi, along with other similar youth movements, such as 'Young Guard', and 'Young Russia', is in the forefront of the charge.
...
How wrong we were. Life for young people in Russia without connections is a mixture of inadequate and corrupt education, and a choice of boring dead-end jobs. Like the Hitler Youth and the Soviet Union's Young Pioneers, Nashi and its allied movements offer not just excitement, friendship and a sense of purpose - but a leg up in life, too.

Nashi's senior officials - known, in an eerie echo of the Soviet era, as "Commissars" - get free places at top universities. Thereafter, they can expect good jobs in politics or business - which in Russia nowadays, under the Kremlin's crony capitalism, are increasingly the same thing.

Nashi and similar outfits are the Kremlin's first line of defence against its greatest fear: real democracy. Like the sheep chanting "Four legs good, two legs bad" in George Orwell's Animal Farm, they can intimidate through noise and numbers.
...
It is strongly reminiscent of the Tsarist era slogan: "Autocracy, Orthodoxy and Nationality".
...
Those who hoped that Russia's first post-totalitarian generation would be liberal, have been disappointed. Although explicit support for extremist and racist groups is in the low single figures, support for racist sentiments is mushrooming.
...
The Kremlin sees no role for a democratic opposition, denouncing its leaders as stooges and traitors. Sadly, most Russians agree: a recent poll showed that a majority believed that opposition parties should not be allowed to take power.
...
The new guide for history teachers - explicitly endorsed by Mr Putin - brushes off Stalin's crimes. It describes him as "the most successful leader of the USSR". But it skates over the colossal human cost - 25m people were shot and starved in the cause of communism.
...
As the new cold war deepens, Mr Putin echoes, consciously or unconsciously, the favourite weapon of Soviet propagandists in the last one.
...
Asked about Afghanistan, they would cite Vietnam. Castigated for the plight of Soviet Jews, they would complain with treacly sincerity about discrimination against American blacks. Every blot on the Soviet record was matched by something, real or imagined, that the West had done.
...


I cut a lot of stuff out, full text here. It involves a lot of comparing Russia to Nazi Germany, saying they are horrible for misteaching history in the favor of Soviet Russia, and saying that Russia comparing its historical record of evil to that of the U.S. and other western countries is silly.

Perhaps the first two points are true, but the U.S. has a similarly shitty record when it comes to treating the rest of the world, as well as its own citizens, well, and we are equally unapologetic and in most schools it is glossed over with equal amounts of happiness and sunshine.

But, anyway, this raises the point I actually want to make that seems to be a stumbling point for the U.S. and American's view of the rest of the world.

I ask, "Is democracy the best form of government?" Or, more accurately, "Is democracy the best form of government for every civilization on the planet?"

Our country, being built by Masons, Templars, the Illuminati, and the KKK, has always been a freedom-loving bunch who have a strong desire for direct control of the government by the populace, even if it is often illusionary. Furthermore, the U.S. has the resources to make this sort of thing happen, and as a veritable land of plenty our people are fat and happy, and have the time and energy to scream at the government if it does anything vaguely unpleasant to our tele-opiate dulled senses. Meaningful legislation is rarely passed, and real government scandal is often abated by those in power simply not letting the media see their paperwork.

This sounds a bit bitter, and I only mean it halfway (and largely in regard to our current administration...).

But, what is (apparently) important is that we think we control the government in some way and everyone who is not foreign has rights.

Now, we look over the ocean at Russia. Evil ol' Putin is becoming the next Tzar or the next Stalin or whatever else people wanna say about it. Racism and governmental interference is at a new high. Words words words.

What we forget is that living in Russia sucks. It sucked when it was run by the Tzar. It sucked when it was run by the Soviets. It sucks now that it has a democracy. And, maybe in the near future it will suck while it is whatever Putin turns it in to. Historically, Russia is an unpleasant place to be. In fact, the only way Russia ever seems at all pleasant (to me) is if you happen to be one of those nomadic reindeer herders or the horse lords of the steppes. This is only better by degree, of course, because (being in Russia) it still sucks to be you. Just less than someone stuck in a sucky Russian city.

So, we then have a demoralized population who are all struggling to make ends meet, and they know that this particular economic situation will not change no matter who owns the government.

(America is slowly becoming this, but hush, TV is on!)

I often liken this to being a peasant during the dark ages. One king is deposed by another king after a bloody struggle among their knights and conscripts. End result: one tenth of your crops and your eldest son go to the castle to the East rather than the castle to the West, life goes on and sucks.

So the question is if it matters if you have American-Style democracy or not? In fact, a Fascist regime might even be more effective at ordering the vast expanse of Russian resources that are already pretty shittily arranged, subduing the mafia, and making Russia stable, if still sucky for all involved.

This did happen for Pakistan. They had a democracy which became so corrupt so fast the turbans flew off half the people in the country. This was quickly removed by a military regime that brought order and (relative) prosperity to the country which was being sucked dry by the democratically elected individuals.

Similar patterns can be seen across the globe, and it seems like the further from being a first-world country a place is the harder it is to maintain democracy and the more effective it is just to let them run their countries the same way the had been running them since before white people showed up.

I ponder, and I hope you will ponder as well, does a goat herder in the mountains really care about his vote?