Hooray For Nigeria

For some reason the UMM website has died horribly. Before that happened, I got this
peice of email, which I saved because, well, it was special.


GREETINGS TO YOU
MAY THE BLESSINGS
OF GOD BE WITH YOU
AS YOU READTHIS MAIL.
EMAIL:motherhannah111@yahoo.com
I am mother HANNAH, a widow to late ANDREW GABRIEL, I am 60 yrs
old, I am now a newchristian convert, suffering from long time cancer
of the breast, fromall indication my condition is really deteriorating
and it's quiteobvious that I won't live more than ten months,
According
to mydoctors. This is because the cancer stage has gotten to a very
bad
stage .My late husband killed during the U.S raid againstterrorism in
Afghanistan, and during the period of our marriage we hada 23 yrs old
son
who died in an auto crash three years ago.
My latehusband was very wealthy and after his death i inherited all
hisbusiness and wealth. The doctor has advice me that I may not live
formore than then months, so i now decided to devide the part ofthis
wealth, to contribute to the development of the chruchin
africa,America,Asia and also in europe.
I prayed over it. I amwilling to donate the sum of Fifteen million
United State Dollars(USD$15,000,000) to the less privileged. Please I
want you to note thatthis fund is lying in a security company and upon
my instruction, myattorney who presently is in NIGERIA where the fund
is
deposited,will file in an
application for the transfer of the money in yourname.
Lastly, I honestly pray that this money when transfered will beused
for the said purpose, because I have come to find out thatwealth
acquisition without christ is vanity. May the Grace of our LordJesus
the
love of God and the fellowship of God be with you and yourfamily. I
await
your urgent reply.
Yours In Christ.
MOTHER HANNAH GABRIEL


Just brings you to tears, doesn't it? I mean, this poor woman is dieing of cancer, is a devout christian, and has a
huge sum of money that needs to be transferred from nigeria.
I think the pun that the fund was 'lying' in a security fund was unintentional...
This letter raises so many questions because they try to hit every heartstring of the individual it was intended to scam.
1. This lady is dieing. Hah! Take that!
2. This ladies' husband was killed in the war on terror. Her son in a tragic auto accident.
3. This woman is a Christian.
Now, what the fuck is an millionaire doing fighting in the armed services?
How old are these people that one is dieing of cancer and they have a 23 year old son? She says 60! Now, unless she was robbing the cradle with her millionaire soldier husband, that means that the military sent a 60ish year old man into combat...
At first I thought, huh, this is odd. Then "Nigeria" suddenly appeared to put all the info into context.
Even without knowing the Nigerian scam deal, what the fuck would her lawyer (and the savings of an honest American soldier) be doing in Nigeria of all places?

How stupid are people?

I think the worst part of this one is that it is an offer to have the money donated in your name to charity, which I assume involves my bank account info. Now, the other Nigerians at least have the decency to offer a cut which I probably won't receive. Fucking my name on a charity to build churces for Nigerians! WOO!

Besides, why doesn't she want her name on the donation? Or even why not give an anonymous donation?

Also, "I have come to find out thatwealthacquisition without christ is vanity."

What the fuck does that even mean? Do I need Jesus as my business partner? I already let Jesus into my heart and his cat ruined the place, I don't think I want him in my office.

(I didn't think the Jews were that vain, btw...)

I get a lot of Nigeria-themed emails, anyway.

This got me thinking, I want a job that uses my major, right? These Nigerians need help with their English language usage and the believability of their terrible lies... you see where this is going.

From a moral standpoint, the true victims of these types of scams are stupid people. I, on the other hand, very much hate stupid people. Often I find that stupid people are cause of grief in my life. Because of this, I think that scamming them would actually be compensation for this grief. Really, I am only getting what is fair to me.

Anyone know where they take applications?


p.s. Even if I all of this were real, there are enough churches named after some guy named Patrick.