Nickelodeon, TV for (stupid) Kids!

I'd love to "Give Padme a Twirl." Sorry... Burger King commercial caused me to have a sinful thought...

Anyway, I'm sitting around watching TV. Evil, cursed, daytime TV. I woke up after Spike's great lineup of four hours of Star Trek followed by McGyver. (McGyver isn't that great, but it does have the MST3K aspect...)

I turned to Nickelodeon, TV channel of my youth. God, it has gone downhill. It seems like all the good shows have been chased off or have been run long past their prime. Now to put my thoughts of dismay into the style the Ancient Romans. (I forget the name of this rhetoric. Some of you may recognize the style from Gandalf's speil to the King of Rohan.)

Where is Rocko?
Where is Zim?
Where is Ren and Stimpy too?
Where are the shows of greatness, now gone?

All these things have come and gone, no longer showed despite how good they were.. Why? Rocko just got played alot, but I'm sure people would kill to have him back. Zim and Ren and Stimpy were too disturbing for children. Although I think Nick still claims Zim on one of their secondary channels. I wonder how much money they could make if they actually made a teenager/adult channel of nick tha plays the shows that I would watch for. I mean, there is all sorts of merchendizing stuff that can be (is being, has been) done for Zim and Ren and Stimpy. Honestly, Zim shit is in Hot Topic of all places. (Not a children's store, mind you.)

Honestly, they have about three good shows that they play inbetween Spongebob. (Spongebob isn't that bad of a show, I'll admit. The kiddy shit gets irritating though...) I think I've seen nearly every episode of Hey Arnold, (My dad has seen them all and can recite them at memory practically, but he is more boring than I.) I've seen every Jimmy Neutron (which isn't that bad if you turn off your disbelief completely). The only show that I find genuinely amusing anymore is The Fairly Oddparents. But none of these shows can compete with the older ones they don't show anymore. As an afterthought, Rugrats was good for a while, but they've run out of material I think.

So, that leaves: All Grown Up, All That, The Amanda Show, The Angry Beavers (not the fun kind of Beavers either), As Told By Ginger, Avatar, The Brothers Garcia, Catdog (horrible, horrible, show... only ever has one moral to the show...), Chalkzone, Drake and Josh, My Life as a Teenage Robot, Ned's Declassified, Nick News (bad), Rocket Power, Romeo (A child actually bought by Nickelodeon to be turned into a child rap star monster thing...), Sabrina the Teenage Witch, Unfabulous, The Wild Thornberrys, Zoe 101 (I'm Britney Spears' cuter little sister, pedophiles come here!), TEENick (pandering), and U-Pick (where they have some vapid hot teens do brain-hurting skits inbetween somebody's selection of some show on Nickelodeon's listing, probably a bad one. All of which is shitty pandering, especially TEENick's lineup which compounds the sin of Nickelodeon's 'teen' lineup by putting irritating filler crap inbetween. This is a pretty big list, even without my interjections of fury.

So, I say to all the Jews who run Nick, "WHAT THE FUCK!?"
(Note: I don't say this to be anti-semitic. They just have alot of names I believe to be of Hebrew origin tagging their shows and stuff. Also, the network seems to make a big deal about Jewish holidays, even with in-show content. (Not a problem, but I'm trying to set up an induction.) I am quite possibly wrong. But I'm also on a ranty tirade about how I've been screwed out of good TV for this crap that panders to idiots. Also, blaming a race makes it sound angrier. )

Anyway. I think Toon needs to make an "Adult Swim" Channel so we can have good cartoons all the time. They could buy the rights to Simpsons reruns and other good shows (like the ones I praise above!) and get their always lucrative anime contracts and run with it. I'm sure they would have a huge viewer base.

Aw shit, U-Pick is on... QUIT PANDERING YOU FUCKS!




I like that word... pandering....