The Story of Fernando, pt. 2

There was a blur of legs and Stump saw his life unfurl before his eyes. The memories were vague at first. The warmth of his mother’s soft fur. The flavor of his first truffle. Sunlight on green grass. As he became older they became more complex. Old Master Rock training them to fight the enemies of their kind. The hint of fear in his sparring partner’s eyes and he tensed to lash out with his muscular hind leg. Pain. The smell of the stinging herbs his mother chewed to a pulp and smeared on his cuts. Fern being an incorrigible ass. The bees chasing them because Fern tried to steal their honey, not to eat, but to smear on Stump to get the bees to chase him anyway. Fern proudly declaring it a half success as he pulled a sting out of his ear. The day they left home. The sorrowful look on their mother’s face.
The sudden pain in his chest brought him back to reality, and then the wolves were past them. The leader of the pack fell to the ground heavily and rolled to a stop. The pack did not slow as it closed the hole and continued the chase. Fernando and Stump were sprawled out on the ground, covered in the dirt and loose grass kicked up by the charging wolves.
Fernando coughed. “That was a fucking bad plan.”
Stump merely groaned and rubbed the spot where the lead wolf’s ankle caught him in the ribs. Eventually he said, “Hey, we took down a wolf by ourselves.” He tried to smile optimistically but inside he was worried. He had panicked. He wasn’t supposed to panic, he was supposed to fight.
“He tripped over our feeble little bodies you dunce!” Fernando shouted, hobbling over to his still prone brother. “Did you really think that we could fight one wolf, much less an entire pack?”
“Well why’d ya follow me in?” Stump winced as he spoke.
“Shut up.”

Leader was surprised as he flew through the air. He knew he tripped on something. It was soft and small, and it wasn’t there a moment ago. Now Leader was flying. In the distance he could see Interceptor moving between their quarry and the cottonwood grove. Then he rotated and all he could see was the rush of the Chasers as the dashed past him, undaunted. Leader had a moment of pleasure as he considered the relentless nature of his pack.
Then he hit the ground. There was pain, dull with pinpricks of sharp as rocks and stiff plants dug into his side. The impact beat a cloud of dust out of the dry ground that clogged his nose and mouth. Leader lay on the ground for a moment to regain his bearings. He turned towards some small noises that were coming from where he tripped. Two more like his quarry were lying on the ground. They looked like they were arguing. Leader considered killing them both, but he could feel the pack getting farther away with every moment and they were not the quarry. Leader loped away.

“Now what do you suggest we do?”
“Iunno. Go back after them?”
“What did I just say about fucking bad plans?”
“Gotta try.”

200th Post! The Story of Fernando pt. 1

Yes, I am Writing a Story about This

“My name is Fernando los Ciervos del Conejo, and it is pleasure to have the company of such beautiful does such as yourselves,” He said in the voice that drifted between silk and smoke. He inhaled through a thin roll of herbs he had meticulously sought out and collected among the prairie grasses. He smoothed the soft fur on his muzzle and twitched his whiskers just so, causing them to gleam in the sun. He had spent months practicing the motion to appear nonchalant. There was a pause as the wind blew cottonwood fluff across the clearing, and a thin wisp tangled briefly in Fernando’s stately antlers.
“And I’m Stump!” His brother declared proudly in a brassy, low voice as he popped his head over Fernando’s shoulder. He absentmindedly chewed a wad of clover, shifting it back and forth between his oversized incisors. Fernando slumped slightly, his proud features sagging to a vague look of defeat.
The rabbits they spoke to continued to chew grass and twitched their ears slightly, oblivious to their would-be suitors. One hopped a few feet away, making only the slightest shuffling noise on the soft grass.
“Maybe we should try other Jackelopes, ya’ know? Least they can speak,” Stump suggested timidly. “Maybe we should go home Fern.”
Fernando battered Stump’s face feebly with his tiny forepaws. “You will never call me that name again! I am Fernando, Fernando los Ciervos del Conejo! And no, we cannot go home, not until I find my true love!”
Stump raised an eyebrow doubtfully as one of the rabbits nibbled at a dandelion. “One of these gonna be yer true love?”
“No you foolish fool! Of course not, they are mere hares where I am a stately Jackelope. But I have the heart of a lover, and with such a heart one is cursed to seek out passion wherever he might find it.” Fernando grasped his chest as he said this, feigning a face both melancholy yet hopeful.
“So, eh, yer a slut?”
“Let’s just say, dear brother, that I am good at laying women,” Fernando said haughtily. He then hopped on top of one of the does, who was more than happy to oblige him, that being the nature of rabbits.
Stump shrugged a little rabbitly shrug, considered one of the other does briefly, and decided he was better off keeping a look-out for eagles, owls, coyotes, and every other animal that enjoyed eating rabbits, hares, and bunnies. As a Jackelope he had nothing to fear, but as a Jackelope he knew it to be his duty to protect the lower species. That, and he was simply bored with the life of “adventure” his brother, then known merely as Fern- the name their loving mother had given him- had promised him when they left their warren for the vastness of the grasslands.
A black dot appeared on the horizon, backlit against the setting red sun. As it grew nearer it grew into the unmistakable silhouette of two long ears paralleling two stumpy antlers. It was running very fast. More dots began to appear behind it. They were bigger, much bigger, and gaining on the solitary runner. Then the howling began.
“Wolves!” Stump shouted, “Goddamnit Fern pull out, we’ve got work to do!”
“Its Fernando,” he remarked absently as he moved to stand with Stump.
The howling grew louder as the chase grew nearer the two. They could see the fleeing Jackelope clearly now, his eyes were wide with terror and his coat was matted and burred from days of hard travel. The brothers began to run to him in an attempt to disrupt his numerous pursuers. The wolves were arrayed in a wall of fur and slavering fangs.
“I think we’re fucked,” was the last thing said before they collided.

Thought for the Day

Girls need attention, and boys need us.
-From "Reasons to Love You" by Meiko

Gunslinger's Hymn

Lord, You have made me strong,
Although it's my life that is the cause.
Just once I wish you'd change the world,
So I won't need it all the time.

Lord, I no longer have a purpose,

Although there are some things I do.

Just once I wish you'd aim me,

So I'd have a path to wander on.

Lord, You give me what I need,
Although there are some things I want.
Just once I wish you'd help me,
So I can be content.

Lord, I know you are with me,
Although you remain silent.
Just once do I wish you'd make an appearance,
So I won't be so sure I'm wrong.

I've lead an easy life, oh Lord.
And for that I give you thanks.
But I envy those who have more,

And I envy all my friends.
I envy those who sin, good God,

I envy them for their means and for their ends.

I thank you, Lord,

For making me a man who won't give in.

But I am a fool for wanting,

And that is your fault too.
And though I know that I should change,
I'd rather just blame you.

But please, Lord, for old times sake,
Just give me what I'm due.
I could be happy with nothing,
If I knew it was from you.

Election Coverage 2008

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