A Quick Glimpse into My Life

I go to work, fairly simple day. I wander around, lift things, and generally squander company time.

Some time around five a tour bus arrived. "Tauck Tours." I curse my rotten luck, now I have to work. I summon my lackey and we attack the luggage. It is lots of heavy lifting. The driver gives us his count, 52 bags. Fifty two fifty pound bags of doom. Luckily, my lackey is even bigger than me, so it isn't too bad.

I try to lift a bag with an airport "heavy" tag on it. I applaud their flair for dramatic understatement. After much grunting and a possible hernia I lift the bag onto the cart, the wheels gently slump under the strain.

We pull the luggage laden carts into the main lobby just as the herd of old people hit the elevators. Their greeting took just long enough to cause them to get in our way. Using my strategic bellman mind I declare one of the elevators off limits to guest use until the freight is finished. Surprisingly, it works. Apparently if one acts as though he has authority people assume you actually have authority. So, they got the fuck out of our way and we got their bags upstairs in a timely manner.

On our way out, an old man wanted to know how to work his TV. We didn't have time to answer his questions, so we told him we would help him in a few minutes, as we had other bags to deliver. He refused, and challenged us to a duel. Revealing his vampire fangs, he lunged at me. Luckily my lackey clubbed him over the head with a samsonite, throwing him off balance and into the wall. I quickly stomped his head until a foul black ooze squished under my black work shoe. Not enough to kill a vampire, but I was out of stakes from the AAA membership group that was in this morning. Hoping we stunned him enough we finished the bags and returned to the front desk.

Once there, I started working on the schedules when the front desk girl came back wondering if I could teach her something on the computer. Thinking to myself that the computer would be an uncomfortable place to 'teach her something' because I am a bad person, I came out to the desk. After showing her the required keystrokes to make the computer bend to the will of the user I walked back into the office. I sipped quietly on a cup of applejuice and began to type again. I could not hear the Office Daemon stalking slowly behind me. His shadow loomed above me as I patiently typed out the dates and times my henchmen worked. I pretended not to notice and took another sip from my cold glass. Just before he lunged I spun around in my chair and blasted him with my eye lasers. I laughed as his unholy flesh sizzled and burned under my amazing superhuman gaze. He shrieked and returned to the foul pit of bureaucracy he was spawned in.

This is a bit of an exaggeration, I was drinking from a Styrofoam cup, actually.

Anyway, it seemed that the busiwork was done for the day, so I spun around in my chair for a few hours and then my lackey and I went to Perkins for coffee.

That's how boring my life is, but it is true, I swear.